I’m too afraid to be that of the bold permanence.
Afraid to be the spilled ink seeped into the bones of a page.
Etched not only into the surface but run deep into one’s core.
With the daring stance of unwavering line after line.
Forever waiting to be scrutinized and yet still stay unchanged.
Never truly able to be erased.
Meekly covered in an attempt to be conformed.
All I ever will be is the faded lead.
The blended marks left on the page.
Standing alone in despair.
Left for others disposal.
Bringing the weight of everything sinking down.
Drowning to the bottomless pit of one’s mind.
Blackened with the ink pressed over my skin.
Seeing what is left in my wake.
Only after I’ve been erased.
Flesh Filled Face
You know that feeling when you see another beautiful person
And you can’t help but touch your own delicate skin in response
I can’t help but notice that mine is not so delicate
Not so beautiful
It feels as a softer mask waiting to be peeled from the bone
The flesh sits atop my skull in mock disguise
Seeing another beautiful person only makes me realize that I am not that
I am only a faceless entity waiting to truly figure out who I am
A Role, Not a Model
My dad never loved me, I know it
He liked me when I was just a small child
Until I got older and then
Then he didn’t even like me
I realize now it wasn’t hate when I was growing up
It was only dislike
It became hate as I aged more and more
But once I was “old enough,”
He started to like me once again
Or at least what he could make me to be
He liked that I didn’t like “her”
But he never realized I hated him too
It was almost in the same way he did me
But I was so much younger
I just wanted to be happy and loved
He never accepted my choices
They weren’t his, so neither was I
Even now it is the same
It always has been
And always will be
First published in Yellow Medicine Review: A Journal of Indigenous Literature, Art & Thought
Copyright © E. Fox. All rights reserved.
Fox is an Indigenous aspiring poet from the Arikara and Lakota-Sioux Nations who was born and raised in North Dakota. They have been a lover of books & reading from a very young age, always searching for more to fulfill themself with as time has gone forward. Their published works can be seen featured in Yellow Medicine Review's 2023 Fall Edition. Fox's motivation in writing stems from their want to reach all communities and show the ability along with the importance of Native American & LGBTQ+ youths' writing about the experiences of growing up & coming of age. Fox is currently a recent high school graduate with the hopes of transitioning to a career in creative writing through workshops and apprenticeships. With every gained experience, they are working on a collection of poetry with aspirations to soon publish a book of their own that will help take off their career in writing.
