Unless you majored in dance, like my sister did, you wouldn’t move your body in front of other people, especially in public. I secretly envied the halmonis. They seemed to have all the freedom and fun that was forbidden to me.
I couldn’t wait to become old enough to be a halmoni. And now age has given me what I’ve always longed for.
Recently as I
watched her do her usual wiggle dance, I sat down and analyzed the
movements. What I discovered is that both Gangnam Style horse dance and
GG’s wiggle dance have something in common – lots of hip movement. I was
never taught to dance growing up in Korea, which makes the popularity of the
Korean rapper Psy’s Gangnam Style in the US a surprise to me. Too shy to
try these dance moves in front of others, I tried them in my own living
room. I found it to be a great exercise, because when I moved my hips, my
whole body moved just like GG’s.
Today I can picture myself
along with the halmonis in Korea doing Gangnam Style horse dance at picnics,
laughing and talking loudly, and drinking Soju, the rice wine.
GG became the
ultimate "trump card" in my life even before she was born. This tiny granddaughter
who has become an addition to our family has motivated me to change my
priorities in life and resulted in my daughter and I becoming closer. Although
GG lives more than 2,000 miles away in San Francisco (while I'm in Michigan),
but thanks to technology like video chats and Face Time, I “see” her
frequently. Even so, my arms itch to hold her wiggly body and dance with
her.
When our two
children, TJ and Gina, were born, my mother traveled several times all the way
from South Korea to stay for months to help raise them. She was the best
Halmoni, with a capital “H” that my kids could have had. They knew that
she loved them no matter what and that they couldn’t do anything wrong (ever!)
in her eyes. Even though there was a language barrier, the bonding they
developed with their Halmoni is unbreakable. It’s the kind of bonding that
comes from deep trust and lots of shared experiences, the kind that instills a
sense of unconditional acceptance and security in a child.
I’d been waiting
for a long time to become a halmoni just like my mother. With the
announcement of GG’s upcoming birth, I knew instantly that I needed to retire from
my work as a psychologist. To make myself available to my daughter and my
grandchild, I knew I needed to re-prioritize my life and make room for
them.
GG was only one month
old when her first Christmas came around. My daughter and son in law sent
me a tiny envelope as their Christmas gift, and we put it under our tree. On
Christmas Day, as I opened their gift, tears welled up in my eyes. Inside
of the envelope was a note that read “All I want for Christmas is a visit from
Halmoni!”
Now that GG is older we have had wonderful experiences together: strolling along Lake
Michigan in Chicago; traveling to Spain, and building a sand castle on the
beach in Cancun. I’m the happiest when I’m GG’s nanny Halmoni. And it
makes it even better when my husband can join us as GG’s “manny.”
There comes a time
in life when things, no matter how precious, beautiful, and expensive, don't
mean much. What matters most are experiences with family and friends that enhance
the quality of my life. Centering my thoughts on GG keeps me grounded.
Visualizing her big smile at seeing my face appear from peek-a-boo, her cry of
relief when rescued from the top of a stairway, her spontaneous wiggling
whenever she hears music, her concentration and proud look taking her first
couple steps are moments that wash away all the ills of the world. Finally,
I am able to focus on the simple things in life, and feel content all over.
Copyright © Dr. Sook
Wilkinson, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr.
Sook Wilkinson, Ph.D. has enjoyed a wonderful life in America. As a native of South Korea, she came to the
US at age 22 with $100 in her pocket. Since then, she has become a renowned clinical
psychologist, author, and a respected community leader while raising a son and
a daughter with her husband, Todd.
Michigan has shaped her life profoundly and she is committed to giving
back to her community and state.
As a passionate advocate
for active participation in her communities, she gladly accepted the
opportunity to serve as the Chairperson of the Michigan
Asian Pacific American Affairs Commission, appointed by Governor
Granholm. Through her leadership, the Asian Pacific
American community is gaining much-deserved recognition and visibility.
